Florida Gunkholer: Dismal Key: One Very Different Island Among Ten Thousand

25, 53, 34.37 N.

81, 33, 35.00 W.

A little too far to kayak for a day trip, we did this adventure in a 14 foot Boston Whaler

Its been more than a year since my last gunkholing post but you shouldn't think I haven't been doing anything. There are now two related books out there: a revised, updated and illustrated version of my original Kindle title now in paperback, REACH YOUR PERFECT BEACH IN AND AROUND NAPLES FLORIDA which was published in May of 2015. A well received book of funny animal stories gleaned from my years as a beach tram driver at Clam Pass Park was published in December. It's called A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO THE BEACH: Tall True Tales of Zany Animals and Crazy People Making Mayhem in the Mangroves of Florida. Both titles can be found at Amazon or in the Conservancy of Southwest Florida's gift store. BEACH GUIDE BOOK. MAYHEM IN THE MANGROVES You'd be correct though in thinking that I haven't been out there in the Ten Thousand Islands or the Bahamas or the Everglades or the Caribbean searching for blog fodder. I came within a hair's breadth of scoring a crew position on a sailing trip through the Panama Canal with a stop-over in the Kuna Islands before heading back to Key West. We might have harvested some really interesting blog fodder about the Kuna Tribe, but the wife of the boat's skipper decided to stay on the west coast for the time being.
     I've been obsessively focused on a particular Key to explore for some time and wanted to explore it and write about it next, even though there were a number of logistical challenges, not the least of which was the lack of a proper boat. Indeed we'd been on it once briefly when my friend and former lunar-lander scientist Captain John told me about an Indian Shell Mound he knew about and took me there on a whim one afternoon while we were fishing off Jackfish Key. We were in shorts and sandals and had no cameras with us, so I had always wanted to return properly dressed and record it. At the time, I didn't know this little island was famous in its own way and it seemed just a very interesting anomaly among so many islands. In the meantime, I read up on it and discovered that at one time it had rattlesnakes on it which didn't provide me with a big incentive to rush to return.  It took me a year to bum a boat ride (you might recall that but for a couple of kayaks I am currently boatless), which is not as bad as being homeless but emotes a similar feeling of "lessness" in me at least.
     Professional photographer and fellow sailor Jim Freeman has a small Boston Whaler and he came through for me in early April of 2016. I felt obligated to warn him about the rattlesnakes which he blew off as a non-issue as he was raised in west Texas. I brought a long a machete ostensibly to use on cacti but I always had the rattlers in the back of my mind. I was not raised in west Texas, though I do own a pair of expensive Tony Lama's rattlesnake-skin boots and the bad karma of that concerned me in this instance. I briefly considered wearing them but then decided against it as it just might really piss them off.
     These days Jim lives in a beautifully appointed home on the water in Goodland which while located on Marco Island is totally distinct from it. The little town is a throwback to another era where residences are of many descriptions and each dwelling has a boat of every description in the backyard. There is still a thriving commercial fishing fleet with a fresh seafood market and the smell of gunk in the air. On April 10th the weather was absolutely perfect and as it happened Jim was available and I had the day off from my new encore career as a crossing guard for financially-secure seniors. Not only was I able to persuade him to take me out there and back for beer and gas, he let me use all of these terrific and unusual photo's of his. I deliberately left my still camera home so as to not "mess with the master" but I did bring the video camera. Here's a link to Jim Freeman's site. Jim Freeman Photographer . If you clicked on it, you'll understand why I left my camera at home.

Despite precautions we were pulling itty bits of these out of my skin for a few days afterwards

My first awareness of Dismal Key was from Carl Hiaasen's 2006 novel NATURE GIRL where a bunch of really bad guys try to do some nasty things to a really nice girl in a kayak. As are all Hiaasen books this one is a real "Hoot". The whole island is 17 feet above sea level and comprised almost entirely of ancient oyster shells. So the mound is not a hill per se, but rather the entire island is elevated and since the rainwater percolates through the shells to the original dirt about 15 feet below, the top surface is as dry as a desert and cacti abound. It is literally a desert island in Florida and as you can see in the aerial photo below (which I downloaded from America.pink) there are about ten of these oyster shell fields on the island. Wikipedia posits that this particular shell mound dates anywhere from 950 AD to 1450 AD and represents the Glades Culture which later was usurped by the Calusa Tribe who like many other native tribes did not survive the ultimate European Invasion. By the mid 1500's this area was administered out of Havana. If you would like to know more about the history of the island, click here. Wiki Link.
It is worth noting that this place is less than 15 miles from the site where the famous "Key Marco Cat" was dug out of a pond. This cat is on display at the Smithsonian and is roughly dated from the same period.

Aerial of Dismal Key from America.pink

In case it crossed your mind (as it did mine) to try and get a cat of your own please be aware that it is illegal to dig for artifacts on this site or others like it. In fact, it is part of the plot of Hiaasen's NATURE GIRL where the bad guys bring in heavy equipment to move the shells to find the treasures. Illegal or not, it does appear that someone did not get the memo and started digging a hole here. More recent artifacts abound a plenty though. They are interesting in their own way as from the early 1900's until 1992 a succession of hermits occupied this island and left their own evidence behind.

Illegal Dig

By definition, two people living together on an otherwise deserted desert island wouldn't be hermits. Apparently in the hermit hierarchy, the one on Dismal Key was the Alpha Dog. The others would keep an eye on this hermit and when he moved on or died, the next one would be all ready to move-in and inherit his stuff which included a hut, an outhouse, a cistern and fine glassware. Apparently one fellow lived on Panther Key nearby and coveted the facilities on Dismal Key to such an extent that he jumped at the relocation opportunity when the chance presented itself. If you want to read more about the hermits of Dismal Key, I found this article from 1992 in a Seattle Times archive of all places. Here's the link Seattle Times Hermit Story. There is more information about the hermits out there if you just "Google it" including an interesting blog from a descendant of the last hermit of Dismal Key.